Life after having a baby is so dramatically different than what you think it will be. Yes it is filled with sweet baby smells, coos, smiles, clothes, and a myriad of other baby wonderfulness too. But it also filled with guilt, sleepiness, and sleeplessness, no time, stress, and lots of other mind stretching things.
Before I had Luke it was so easy to judge parents. I said so many things I would never do, and thought so many things about parents. The likes of, I would never let my house be this messy, I will be as mobile as ever, I will never let me kid miss a nap. yeah, um….

So I realize now parenting is super hard. There are things that come naturally, like being on high alert even when sleeping, and there are things that are tough like napping. :) I sit here writing this after a day of naps that didn’t happen because as soon as I laid Luke down he started crying, or his eyes popped open. I am struggling with the let them cry concept as I have down it for 5 minutes several times with less than half a success rate. More often Luke is hard to console once picking up than it is worth it. Not to mention the heartbreak I go through listening to his screams. I just don’t know if this method is for us, as well as it might work for other people. Yet I understand the need for consistent napping, as the days when it happens perfectly I have a happier baby that will continue to take naps well and fall asleep at night easily. But on days like today when I can’t get him to stay asleep unless I hold him for the duration, I am not sure what to do. Yes I have read the books, but I am a firm believer, now :), to do what will work best for you and your baby. It’s just finding out what that is that is hard.

And even though parenting is sooo hard. It is the MOST rewarding thing I have ever done. To see his little face smile up at me every morning when I go to get him is so amazing. To have him find me and smile when someone else is holding him, to be the only one that can feed him, to be the one that he giggles for the most. It’s all to wonderful to ever not want. :) I do believe the Lord makes babies in a way that when we are almost to our breaking point after a rough day, they know there momma’s need that special smile or look to melt there heart. :)

I am learning, slowly learning. I am realizing my life is no longer mine it is my son’s ( and future children) at least for a while. I am slowly becoming okay with the fact that my house isn’t always clean and tidy, that I don’t have a homemade meal on the table, or the dishes done, that the laundry gets done once a week, and my alone time is in the shower as quick as that may be on somedays. I know that what I do know for my son will shape him into a great man and I want to take the time to do that. I need to set aside the things that won’t change, like housework and laundry, and spend every second I can with the little man in my life that changes by the minute. I need to enjoy this time with him and take the time to learn how to be the parent he needs.

I guess I just felt the need to write this out so I can remember it all on tough days like today. I want to also explain why my blog my be more silent these days as it takes a back seat to my precious baby!

I appreciate you all who stop by my little piece of the world and encourage me with your comments. I will be around as I can with the projects I find time for.

Thanks for stopping by!